hey

Nov. 27, 2007
6:42am

I have been debating in my heart whether I should put forth my beliefs in this blog. In the end, I concluded that ALL the posts and messages I have made in this blog has no meaning at all, if I cannot put forth the blog message that is THE MOST IMPORTANT of all the things I have to say. Hey, this is who I am, and this is what I believe in. Please do me a favor and read until the end. I don’t ask for much, you know? 

"But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believs in him shall not perish but have eternal life"
(John 3:16)

Woke up bright and early today. Got a good seat on the train too- all the way from Hongodai to Tameike Sanno. Though winter has officially started, it was not that cold this morning. So many things to be thankful for.

But I would like to just thank our almighty God for the following:

1. For God’s love and comfort during the difficult time that I have away from my family. I miss my wife and my daughter very very much. And there are so many times it gets pretty bad, that I find myself questioning decisions I have made. I find myself with all these thoughts and plans in my mind. But through it all, my faith that in His timing, all will be well with me and my family. Sacrifices have to be made now. God is in control, and is watching over my family back home.

2. His forgiveness for my mistakes…for the many times I missed the mark. For the many times I have not acted or behaved like a Christian. For the pride in my heart. For my mouth that sometimes I cannot control. Although we have studied it SO MANY times in our bible studies, I often see myself thinking of my Christian life as based on MY performance. The good stuff I do. The sins I managed to avoid. Performance. My performance! Wow, how arrogant can I be huh?
I thank the Lord for reminding me that yes…I have the responsibility to discipline myself, but I NEED His help. I need His grace.

3. I thank you God for your love, mercy and salvation.
If you are reading my blog, then there is a good chance that you are my friend. You probably know me from way back. Maybe you are a high school classmate. A buddy in college, or even someone I play basketball with here in Japan. But whoever you are, I have something I would like to share with you. Please do not stop reading. I want to tell you a few things, ok? Of all the words I have written on this blog of mine, these are the MOST important. I would like to tell you dear reader:

a. Whoever you are, no matter what situation you are in right now… there is a God that loves you. He is real, and God cares for you.

b. You and me. We are ALL sinners. We have lived a life that is imperfect.

c. But God, in His love for us, sent His son, Jesus to save us. But to be saved, we have to make a decision. And what is that decision?
Admit that we are sinners, ask forgiveness from God, and surrender our lives to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Trust Jesus, and ask Him to take control of our lives. Ask Him to HELP us, change our lives. To change our ways. I grew up in Catholic school, and I was AWARE of the bible story. But to be perfectly honest, in all those years, it never meant anything much to me, except that it was RELIGION.
In July 31, 2000 I MADE that decision. I believed it and prayed with that decision in my heart. It was not a RELIGION anymore. But it was a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ.

For many of you who know me from way back, you probably know that I am NOT a saint. Ha ha. Far from it. For some of you who knew me even AFTER July 31, 2000, you probably saw me do some things that seemed contrary to being a born again Christian. And even now, I still make mistakes and bad decisions. But I know in my heart that I am still BEING changed. Turning your life around does NOT happen overnight.

It IS a process.

And making that decision is the FIRST step.

I would like to share that hope with you. I would like to share that JOY that you can have in your life.

Forget about the TEMPORARY "happiness" that alcohol, money, or inappropriate relationships can bring.

True joy can be found in knowing our saviour Jesus Christ.

I encourage you to MAKE that decision for Jesus Christ

I apologize if I cannot eloquently enough put into words what I truly believe in my heart. But this is the truth that I know in my heart. The truth that I have EXPERIENCED in my life.

Thank you for reading. If you have further questions please do send me a message.

If you have a comment, please feel free to leave one.

Have a blessed day everyone!

Love, and prayers

-Edsel

Nov 22, 2007
7:47am
Have you all seen the short video clip of my little 2 year old (well, almost two years old) daughter dancing?
Sometimes I feel guilty whenever I show the clip on my Ipod touch to my friends. "Hey here’s my daughter dancing" and then "hey is’nt she cute".

But I could literally watch that short three-minute clip again and again.

Oh and by the way, I am going to post that clip here later as soon as I figure out how to imbed videos in blogs (yep, I work in IT..haha)

Children are indeed our treasures. When they smile, it seems all is right in the world. When they are sick, your heart breaks and its so hard to think and see straight. In my case, I REALLY worry a lot. (again, another change that I need to do)

Patricia, Dad misses you so much. I’ll see you in 15 days. Wow! 15 days and Daddy will be home. I can hardly wait!

11/22/2007
3:16am
"i am what i am". for those of you born in the 80’s, this is Maricel Soriano’s favorite song to sing live. I do not know who sang it originally, and I don’t really care. I do admire Ms Soriano’s work, but that’s a whole other story which I’ll save for next time. But the song’s title resonates in my poor brain whenever I  debate with myself regarding my behaviour. So many times I make the same mistakes over and over again. I am talking about reacting to situations that happens in my everyday life. I’m talking about being irritated and being angry.
Here are some of the things that so EASILY gets to me:

1. being treated unfairly
2. being judged unfairly
3. being looked down upon

Notice a trend there? And I wonder why I get angry? I probably know the answer. One word: Pride. Here’s a second one: Ego

I have to be honest here. Change is difficult. I want to CHANGE my ways particularly in this area of my life.

I do feel that I fall into the trap of trying to effect change ON MY OWN power. Again, that ego. Thinking I can do so on my own.

I do not want to be angry. I do not want to feel slighted and harbor resentment towards others (irregardless of whether they are Christians or not).

Another thing is about my words. We just had a short lesson on the tongue today in our weekly bible study. How can such a small part of our body potentially cause so much harm?

Defamation. Gossip. Lies. Ruining of another person’s reputation.

Yes, I myself have been guilty of these sins at one point or another. Not being careful with my speech, especially around non-Christians.

Wow..the same mouth that sings "Hallelujah, Jesus is alive" is also the same mouth that lies and slanders, and stabs other people’s backs.

Un..be..lievable!

Again, the need for change. I want to change. I NEED to change.
But I can’t do it alone.

The easy way out? Saying to myself …"Its no use…I am what I am!"

My quick prayer for the day:
Heavenly father, help me become the person you want me to be. Honest, humble and willing to forget about my ego and be considerate and forgiving and understanding of others. Help me to be more patient and think TWICE before opening my mouth. Help me to effect the change in myself that will honor your name. Help me be responsible and be strong in my faith. Help me to become a good example to my wife and my daughter and the rest of my family. And thank you for clearing my head, and granting me your peace. You are my Lord, and my God.

In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

11/13/2007
9:30PM
"We may be icons….but we ain’t done yet!" -James Hetfield

Nov 11 was a Sunday. It was rainy, but the air was filled with anticipation and excitement. The AFSJ (association of filipino students in Japan) & Friends fielded a basketball team to the yearly "Philippine Assistance Group" Basketball Tournament. The team was named "Kamikaze". I was a member of that team.

We ordered our uniforms from Botak Philippines and hurriedly assembled our team. We knew each other pretty well from playing pick up ball at Odaiba, Ebisu. Yoyogi park and at the Tokyo Gaijins club at Mita. Our team had talent. We had heart and we definitely had skill.

There were eight teams in the tournament, and it was a knockout system. All eight teams play one game on Nov 11, and if they win, they move on to the next round. If they lose, they go home.
At the beginning of the tournament, each team will draw lots to find out who they will play against.

I was chosen to pick our opponent. And guess what?  I picked our team to play THE defending champions of last year. YIKES!
That team had two players well above six feet. Their starting guard was as tall as our center.

I was explaining this to my team mate, Alex who simply said "no problem". I admired his confidence and his swagger. As it turned out, he was one of the few people who showed up and was not afraid. He played his heart out and kept our team in the game.

The game started and it did not look good at all. We were missing open baskets both from inside and outside. We were not making our free throws. I myself missed a ton of clunkers from inside and outside. I missed wide open layups. We were clearly out of sync and could not find any rhythm. At one point in the first half, we were down by nine (9) points.

But in the second half, our team rallied. Led by the valiant effort of Alex, Romeo(who was hobbled by an ankle injury), and Lennel, our team scrapped and battled back. Our opponent’s back court were not strong and our quick guards took advantage. Stephen, coming off the bench, scored two points off a steal. With almost four minutes left, we were UP by five points.

Then it all came crashing to the ground. Our team lost its composure. We could not buy a basket, and we could not stop their onslaught. They scored easily on a layup, followed by a three point play. They then scored again and with one minute left, they led by one point. We could not score at all, and by the time the final buzzer sounded, our team was beaten by five points.

Analyzing the situation, it would be easy for myself to say that we lost for the following reasons:

1. we were unlucky to pick the DEFENDING CHAMPIONS as our first opponent
2. Romeo, our starting small forward, was injured and clearly not 100%
3. Our team did not have a chance to practice even once with everyone present

Yes, these might be valid reasons. But when I think hard about it, I think deep in our collective hearts, we never believed we could beat that team. We were overwhelmed by their height, their reputation(the fact that they were defending champs), and we were simply satisfied to give them a good fight. When it was our turn to give the knock out blow, we were afraid. As much as it hurts for me to say it…we choked. Myself included.

As for me, I was not ready. I did not show up for that game. I was missing in action. Perhaps I was in decent physical shape, but my mental game was AWOL. I was afraid that day.

I learned many things from that game. And I know I made many mistakes. I hope to learn from them, and in the next tournament, I will make sure to be ready.

Losing sure hurts. But perhaps, you really need to get your heart broken, before you get over the slump.

Here’s to the next tournament.